It's Torture for Liberals!

Here it is, my fellow Americans -- the true story of why Ralph Piss: Piss on America got started.

You see...as you may have noticed, the last few years, the Dummycrat lefties just cannot shut up about torture! Every time I praise the God-given greatness of President Bush, or express awe at the beautiful miracle of freedom that is slowly but surely taking the liberated people of Iraq by glorious storm, some whiny liberal has to start jerking off about torture this and torture that. Torture, torture, torture. It's all they say!

I follow the news very closely, and frankly I am not at all convinced that any American soldier tortured anybody, and CERTAINLY not at the request of the Secretary of Defense or the President or the Vice President, as most libs would have us believe. But that's not even the point. Who cares if they're torturing al Qaeda? I want them to torture al Qaeda! That's what we went over there to do!

Now, some might say, how do you know if the guy's in al Qaeda before you torture him? Well, OBVIOUSLY, you ask. If he says yes, then he's a terrorist -- torture him immediately! If he says no, you ask again, in a stronger tone of voice. Yes, you might have to rough him up a little bit, but if he's a terrorist, he will eventually break down and confess. He may then provide useful information -- and that, my fellow Americans, is how you stop the terrorists.

When you're facing an enemy that's willing to be a suicide bomber and die for Allah, you can't rely on the pleasant niceties that characterized U.S. operations in Vietnam. If we have to torture terrorists to prevent the next 9/11, then I say praise the Lord and let me have a turn with the pliers.

Anyway, we don't torture, but maybe we should. Of course, then the libs would be right. Probably the biggest atrocity of the whole Iraq War is that it has given so many Dummycrats an opportunity to bash their country with made-up hokum about war crimes and occupiers. In fact, the worst TORTURE being committed in the world today is the TORTURE of listening to liberals talk about it! If only there were some way to torture them back...!

And that's what I was thinking, my friends, when three words appeared before me like angels singing in Heaven. PISS ON AMERICA. A blog. A radio show. A book. A movie. A way of living American, loving America, the real America, where George Washington is the Father of our Country, but God is the Father of Us All, for as the Father of Jesus Christ, whose love is there for all who accept it, God willed a great nation to arise on this shining hill called America, and America like Jesus Christ is His son, and we are all his sons, and God's sons will march gloriously to battle whenever His love appoints it.

MY NAME IS RALPH PISS, I said in my prayers that night, AND I KNOW I AM RIGHT. I knew it then and I know it now. And I knew that I had to tell the truth however I could get it out there -- write, speak, record! Because by telling the truth -- about government, about history, about war and God and country -- I would be fulfilling the supreme goal that started it all. I would be torturing liberals. And I will not stop until they admit that they are terrorists.

Resolved, my friends! I hope you will join me on this adventure, this sacred fight for the soul of America. Now go to work!