Merry Christmas, my fellow Americans -- and I do mean Merry Christmas, not Happy Hanukkah, because this is not Israel, and not Happy Kwanzaa, because this is not Africa. Merry Christmas, because this is a Christian nation, which is why we have the most powerful Army in the world! As a Christmas treat for my loyal readers, here's another excerpt from my recent sensational live appearance. In this clip, I'm performing one of two puppet shows included in my debut performance:
To see more clips from my show, click here.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Thursday, December 14, 2006
THE LADIES LOVE PISS!
GIRLS GAGA FOR RIGHT-WING COMEDIAN
ECHOES OF BEATLEMANIA
This picture was taken last night at the WILD after-party following the SENSATIONAL live performance debut of Ralph Piss! What a night...I'm still glowing from the S.R.O. crowd and the three standing O's! You see, my fellow Americans, I'm already picking up the showbiz lingo. And speaking of lingo, did you see Tony Snow's briefing today? Now that was LINGO! Okay! If you missed my performance last night, or if you saw it and you want to relive the glorious experience, here are some brief excerpts, which you will LOVE. There will be much, much more included in the upcoming documentary film Who is Ralph Piss?
ECHOES OF BEATLEMANIA
This picture was taken last night at the WILD after-party following the SENSATIONAL live performance debut of Ralph Piss! What a night...I'm still glowing from the S.R.O. crowd and the three standing O's! You see, my fellow Americans, I'm already picking up the showbiz lingo. And speaking of lingo, did you see Tony Snow's briefing today? Now that was LINGO! Okay! If you missed my performance last night, or if you saw it and you want to relive the glorious experience, here are some brief excerpts, which you will LOVE. There will be much, much more included in the upcoming documentary film Who is Ralph Piss?
RALPH PISS SHOW A HUGE SUCCESS!
MOST BRILLIANT DEBUT SINCE ADAM
A PACKED HOUSE APPLAUDS RALPH PISS; EVERYONE LOVED IT
(SCROLL DOWN FOR VIDEO.)
My fellow Americans, last night was my live performance comedy debut, and it was AMAZING! (Unless you ask Dummycrat Diamond, but notice that nobody did!) There was a packed house -- we actually had to turn people away, and I am in negotiations for an extended run at a larger venue! The enthusiastic crowd was wild for Piss! They lapped Piss right up, and I believe my comedy act was so strong that many who walked into the theatre as liberal Dummycrats left as conservative Pissketeers.
It was, by any standards, a glorious victory for both comedy and right-wing politics. Hearing that hysterical laughter, feeling that thundering applause -- two standing ovations, if I remember correctly! -- has changed Ralph Piss. I realize now that I was born to do more than simply spread the gospel of conservatism. I was also born to be on stage, to entertain. And I hereby resolve to keep on doing it, no matter what.
You'll be able to see video of last night's show soon, with additional footage, in the upcoming documentary Who is Ralph Piss? In the meantime, I'm sure you will enjoy these excerpts:
More soon, my fellow Americans. ONE RED STATE IN 2008! This is Ralph Piss, the successful right-wing humorist, saying IN GOD WE TRUST! Now go to work!
A PACKED HOUSE APPLAUDS RALPH PISS; EVERYONE LOVED IT
(SCROLL DOWN FOR VIDEO.)
My fellow Americans, last night was my live performance comedy debut, and it was AMAZING! (Unless you ask Dummycrat Diamond, but notice that nobody did!) There was a packed house -- we actually had to turn people away, and I am in negotiations for an extended run at a larger venue! The enthusiastic crowd was wild for Piss! They lapped Piss right up, and I believe my comedy act was so strong that many who walked into the theatre as liberal Dummycrats left as conservative Pissketeers.
It was, by any standards, a glorious victory for both comedy and right-wing politics. Hearing that hysterical laughter, feeling that thundering applause -- two standing ovations, if I remember correctly! -- has changed Ralph Piss. I realize now that I was born to do more than simply spread the gospel of conservatism. I was also born to be on stage, to entertain. And I hereby resolve to keep on doing it, no matter what.
You'll be able to see video of last night's show soon, with additional footage, in the upcoming documentary Who is Ralph Piss? In the meantime, I'm sure you will enjoy these excerpts:
More soon, my fellow Americans. ONE RED STATE IN 2008! This is Ralph Piss, the successful right-wing humorist, saying IN GOD WE TRUST! Now go to work!
Monday, December 11, 2006
The I.S.G. Hates America
The liberal Dummycrats are up in arms because it looks like President Bush -- THANK GOD -- is NOT going to follow the recommendations of the I.S.G. (That should stand for Ignorant Stupid Girlie-men, but it's Iraq Study Group.) For those of you who have not read the group's report -- and believe me, it's not worth your time -- here is a summary of their recommendations:
1. Kill the terrorists.
2. Liberate the people of Iraq.
3. Make America safer.
4. Freedom.
5. God.
And he didn't even need a blue-ribbon panel to come up with it. So who do you think should be making decisions for this country -- President Bush, or the terrorists? The I.S.G. is nothing but a bunch of SURRENDER MONKEYS! They are also RETREAT APES, TREASON BABOONS, and CUT AND RUN GORILLAS!
1. Surrender and pull the troops out of Iraq, thereby giving the terrorists a chance to attack us again.
2. Make friends with known terrorists in Iran and Syria. (The liberal Dummycrats have a special word for making friends with terrorists. They call it "diplomacy.")
3. Turn our backs on everything our forefathers fought and died for.
4. Free abortions for everybody.
Now, why should anyone follow advice like that? Ralph Piss, for one, supports President Bush's plan, which goes like this:1. Kill the terrorists.
2. Liberate the people of Iraq.
3. Make America safer.
4. Freedom.
5. God.
And he didn't even need a blue-ribbon panel to come up with it. So who do you think should be making decisions for this country -- President Bush, or the terrorists? The I.S.G. is nothing but a bunch of SURRENDER MONKEYS! They are also RETREAT APES, TREASON BABOONS, and CUT AND RUN GORILLAS!
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Ralph Piss is Funny -- And Willing to Prove It!
DUMMYCRAT DIAMOND SAYS REPUBLICANS AREN'T FUNNY
RALPH PISS ACCEPTS HIS CHALLENGE, ANNOUNCES NYC COMEDY APPEARANCE
One thing that can never be said about Ralph Piss, my fellow Americans, is that he does not enjoy a good yuk. I know, because I am Ralph Piss, and I do enjoy a good yuk. Come to think of it, that was a good yuk right there.
But when I'm flipping through the channels on TV, I'm always disappointed by the comedy that's on these days. Some of it's funny, but nearly all of it is liberal. Since the liberals control the media, only lefty extremists like David Letterman and Jerry Seinfeld get to be the comedy stars, while hilariously funny right-wing comedians, like the fabulous Julia Gorin, are ignored. This is a tragedy, not a comedy!
And that is why I'm so thrilled about the wonderful news that Fox News Channel is launching a right-wing answer to The Daily Show! But unlike the lame and unpopular Daily Show, this one might actually be funny. It's created by Joel Surnow, the genius behind 24 -- a dark and disturbing dystopian fantasy about what would happen if America had a black president.
Well, it's no surprise that the Dummycrat liberal bloggers are fit to be waterboarded. It's terrifying to them that Fox, the most trusted name in news, could become the most trusted name in comedy as well. Soon Fox will be the most trusted name in everything, and nobody will trust any other names ever again. But not if the lefties have their way. Dummycrat Diamond is so upset, he even says that Republicans can't be funny! Well, I say HA! THAT SOUNDS LIKE A CHALLENGE!
To prove that Republicans can be funny, I, Ralph Piss, will deliver twenty minutes of sparkling right-wing wit, in person, at an undisclosed Manhattan location on the holy night of Wednesday, December 13.
My performance, sure to go down in history as one of comedy's greatest moments, will be filmed for the upcoming documentary film Who is Ralph Piss? This is a hot ticket, my fellow Americans, and space is limited because we're filled to the gills with V.I.P.s. But if you think you're such a big shot, e-mail me and I will see what I can do about getting you in. The rest of you will see the film soon!
LEFT-WING DOMINANCE OF AMERICAN COMEDY ENDS ON DECEMBER 13!
That's all for now, my fellow Americans. I'm going to practice my act.
RALPH PISS ACCEPTS HIS CHALLENGE, ANNOUNCES NYC COMEDY APPEARANCE
One thing that can never be said about Ralph Piss, my fellow Americans, is that he does not enjoy a good yuk. I know, because I am Ralph Piss, and I do enjoy a good yuk. Come to think of it, that was a good yuk right there.
But when I'm flipping through the channels on TV, I'm always disappointed by the comedy that's on these days. Some of it's funny, but nearly all of it is liberal. Since the liberals control the media, only lefty extremists like David Letterman and Jerry Seinfeld get to be the comedy stars, while hilariously funny right-wing comedians, like the fabulous Julia Gorin, are ignored. This is a tragedy, not a comedy!
And that is why I'm so thrilled about the wonderful news that Fox News Channel is launching a right-wing answer to The Daily Show! But unlike the lame and unpopular Daily Show, this one might actually be funny. It's created by Joel Surnow, the genius behind 24 -- a dark and disturbing dystopian fantasy about what would happen if America had a black president.
Well, it's no surprise that the Dummycrat liberal bloggers are fit to be waterboarded. It's terrifying to them that Fox, the most trusted name in news, could become the most trusted name in comedy as well. Soon Fox will be the most trusted name in everything, and nobody will trust any other names ever again. But not if the lefties have their way. Dummycrat Diamond is so upset, he even says that Republicans can't be funny! Well, I say HA! THAT SOUNDS LIKE A CHALLENGE!
To prove that Republicans can be funny, I, Ralph Piss, will deliver twenty minutes of sparkling right-wing wit, in person, at an undisclosed Manhattan location on the holy night of Wednesday, December 13.
My performance, sure to go down in history as one of comedy's greatest moments, will be filmed for the upcoming documentary film Who is Ralph Piss? This is a hot ticket, my fellow Americans, and space is limited because we're filled to the gills with V.I.P.s. But if you think you're such a big shot, e-mail me and I will see what I can do about getting you in. The rest of you will see the film soon!
LEFT-WING DOMINANCE OF AMERICAN COMEDY ENDS ON DECEMBER 13!
That's all for now, my fellow Americans. I'm going to practice my act.
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