Well, my fellow Americans, the Dummycrats are going to nominate either Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama. That's what it's come down to: Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Two black women with well-known ties to the gay community. Against that liberal/gay juggernaut, who will the Republicans nominate to fly the flag of America?
John McCain? Are you kidding me? In a recent report by the America Institute, McCain was found to be the most liberal senator, even more liberal than self-described socialist Bernie Sanders. (It should probably be Burnie Sanders, because he's going to burn in hell!)
That's why I am doing what I usually refrain from doing, and endorsing a candidate in a primary election. Because I am well aware of the profound influence I exert on my devoted following, I usually stay silent through the primaries, and back the Republican candidate in the general election. But this is an emergency.
That's why I, Ralph Piss, am endorsing Mitt Romney for President of the United States.
Yes, I share your reservations about Romney's left-of-center record as governor of Massachusetts. But Massachusetts is arguably the gayest state ever. Romney may have been too liberal in the past, but he has now been consistently conservative for several months, while McCain continues to favor amnesty for terrorists, and eats fetuses for dinner.
It's getting desperate, my fellow patriots. Super Tuesday is this coming Tuesday. If the Republican Party is to survive, if the conservative movement is to have a future, if you don't want gay Muslims to end Christmas as we know it, please, please, please vote for Mitt Romney.
PLEASE?
