Welcome to the Ralph Piss Right-Wing Joke File! One of my most POPULAR features is my sense of humor, and this is the spot where I'll compile my classic right wing jokes. Whenever I post more jokes on the blog, or tell them on my Internet radio show, they will also appear here. All of these jokes are 100% GUARANTEED to be really funny. Use them at parties to annoy Dummycrats!
Q: Why does Barack Obama want to destroy freedom?
A: Because he's a Muslim!
Q: What's the difference between a liberal and a cheese?
A: Cheese doesn't hate everything America was built on.
- Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- Nancy Pelosi.
- Nancy Pelosi who?
- I don't know.
Jack Murtha and Bernie Sanders walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What can I get for you fellas?" Murtha says, "Oh, I'll let my friend decide, because I'm a coward." So the bartender looks at Sanders and says, "What'll it be?" And Sanders says, "Don't ask me -- I'm a Communist!"
Q: Why do liberals like to burn American flags?
A: They have scorn for everything our brave soldiers have died trying to defend.
Q: Why did the Democrats make us more vulnerable to a terrorist attack?
A: Because all they know how to do is raise taxes!
Q: What do you call a liberal who doesn't believe in God?
A: A left-wing atheist.
Abraham Lincoln, George W. Bush, and Nancy Pelosi are on an airplane, and the plane is going down, and there are only two parachutes. President Bush says, "You two take the parachutes just in case, but I think I can fly this plane!" And he does, and he saves their lives. And then Nancy Pelosi resigns.
Q: Why do they call it Affirmative Action?
A: Because they couldn't get into a good college, because they weren't black!
- Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- Appropriations bill.
- Appropriations bill who?
- Appropraitions bill someone else for it, after the Democrats ruin the economy!
Q: What do you call a feminist with a wedding ring?
A: A gay lesbian.
A man is sitting in his house, and all his friends come to the door, and they say, "A storm is coming! Let's evacuate to safety!" But the man says, "No, no, I'm not going anywhere. I have faith in God, and God will protect me." And that's exactly what happened. You didn't hear all this screaming about levees.
Q: What did Hitler say to Stalin?
A: I really enjoyed that Michael Moore film!
- Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- An unborn baby.
- An unborn baby who?
- You must be a liberal if you don't know who an unborn baby is!
Q: Why did everyone laugh at the stupid man?
A: Because he said he was against the war, but he voted to give the president the authority.
