Wednesday, September 05, 2012
Sunday, July 01, 2012
OBAMA-BOT WANTS TO DEBATE!
Everything is going exactly as I planned! A little-known liberal DUMMYCRAT, who is OBSESSED with Ralph Piss, and who loves to LIE, is CHALLENGED ME TO DEBATE!I am of course accepting his "challenge," and believe me, it will not be a challenge to beat this guy in a debate! But it will be a wonderful thing for the Republican Party in its time of need to see such a liberal "OBAMA-BOT" defeated by the nation's number one up and coming conservative comedian and commentator! (I am also working on an opera.)
Sunday, June 24, 2012
I'M BACK!
I'M BACK!
Unless you are a communist, you are probably a big fan of my work, and you have probably been wondering why you have not heard from Ralph Piss in so long. You might even have been part of the massive Patriot Search Party which I'm pretty sure was organized to try to find me. Or maybe you've just lost your way, like America itself, in the two-and-a-half years since my last post on this blog.
Well, I'm back and now I can tell the truth: I WAS KIDNAPPED BY OBAMA'S TERRORIST GOONS!
Don't believe me? Well, let me say it again. I WAS KIDNAPPED BY OBAMA'S TERRORIST GOONS! Do you believe me NOW?
Unless you are a communist, you are probably a big fan of my work, and you have probably been wondering why you have not heard from Ralph Piss in so long. You might even have been part of the massive Patriot Search Party which I'm pretty sure was organized to try to find me. Or maybe you've just lost your way, like America itself, in the two-and-a-half years since my last post on this blog.
Well, I'm back and now I can tell the truth: I WAS KIDNAPPED BY OBAMA'S TERRORIST GOONS!
Don't believe me? Well, let me say it again. I WAS KIDNAPPED BY OBAMA'S TERRORIST GOONS! Do you believe me NOW?
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Sarah Palin Poem #232
(This Sarah Poem was inspired by "Requiem for America," a BRILLIANT article by J.D. Longstreet, who is RIGHT ON. He reminds me of myself!)Sarah Palin, save us from
"health reform" that's really dumb.
Marxist commies took our land,
so it's time to take a stand.
Freedoms threatened all around,
burning values on the ground.
Obama killed our country's worth
and he has no certificate of birth.
I pray to God that Sarah can
save us from this evil man,
and then one day our freedom's wing
will fly again, and everything.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Liberal Lies About Ralph Piss (Again)
Indulge me, my fellow Americans. I really shouldn't be writing about personal things when there are so many BIG ISSUES going on, like the WONDERFUL decision of the Texas school board to teach our children the TRUTH about history, and the TERRIBLE government takeover of our freedom which the Dummycrats are trying to RAM DOWN OUR THROATS UNTIL WE CHOKE ON HAMMERS AND SICKLES!
But unfortunately, Dr. Piss has to tend to a very sick patient.
For those of you who do not know -- and I would not blame you for not knowing, because nobody cares -- "Noah Diamond" (if that is his real name) is a TERRIBLE liberal Communist who for some sad reason has been absolutely OBSESSED with Ralph Piss for years. I went to see one of his plays a long time ago, just to see how bad it was (and it was VERY BAD), and he was SUCH A JERK. Then he had his little "girlfriend" (OBVIOUSLY THEY ARE BOTH GAY HOMOSEXUALS AND THEIR "RELATIONSHIP" IS A FRONT) hit me with her shoe. That's the way they are, she has all the muscle. Anyway, since that awful night, Diamond WILL NOT LEAVE ME ALONE and takes every opportunity, in his blog, and in his stupid videos, to attack and degrade Ralph Piss. For an example of how unreasonable and crazy he is, read THESE COMMENTS left on this very blog recently.
Well, one night not very long ago, I was sitting at home cleaning my gun -- it's an 82 -- when the phone rang. Thinking it was Sarah Palin, I answered. But it was Noah Diamond. I immediately PUKED, so to speak!
"Why are you bothering Ralph Piss?" I demanded.
"Listen, Ralph," he said, in his pathetic liberal voice, "I've been thinking lately that I've been very unfair to you and actually everything you say is right."
"I don't accept your apology," I said.
"I understand. I wouldn't accept my apology either if I were you, because I'm such a STUPID DUMMYCRAT LEFTY!"
"Right," I said.
"But wait, please, Ralph," he whimpered. "Please don't hang up, Ralph, please. There's more. I want to say this: My name is Noah Diamond, and I am NOT VERY SMART! I don't know anything about politics, and my comedy plays are NOT FUNNY! I would not mind being such a TALENTLESS SOCIALIST if it weren't for the example set by RALPH PISS!!! Now THERE is a true artist and a great patriot who does hilarious comedy and LOVES HIS COUNTRY'S FREEDOM! If only I could be more like RALPH PISS, then I wouldn't be such a stupid liberal!!! I have no taste!!! And that is why my website is so stupid."
"Do you mind if I quote you in full on my website?"
"Not at all, Ralph. I'd be honored."
SO I DID. Not only did I post it here on this blog here, I also decided to create a special new website to showcase Diamond's words, and also to point out a few of the differences between him and me! (It's GREAT! CHECK IT OUT!) Well, next thing you know, he's ALL MAD AT RALPH PISS! He's been leaving comments everywhere claiming that he never said what HE KNOWS HE SAID TO ME ON THE PHONE THAT TIME, and even demanding that I remove it! As if I care what he says! As if he can make me do anything!!! He even wrote a whole stupid post on his blog, LYING about the whole thing and once again saying nasty and not true things about Ralph Piss.
I think this guy is REALLY UNSTABLE. Well, you HAVE to be unstable to be a liberal. Which reminds me of a joke: What did the psychologist say to the liberal? "I can't do anything for you -- you're insane!"
But unfortunately, Dr. Piss has to tend to a very sick patient.
For those of you who do not know -- and I would not blame you for not knowing, because nobody cares -- "Noah Diamond" (if that is his real name) is a TERRIBLE liberal Communist who for some sad reason has been absolutely OBSESSED with Ralph Piss for years. I went to see one of his plays a long time ago, just to see how bad it was (and it was VERY BAD), and he was SUCH A JERK. Then he had his little "girlfriend" (OBVIOUSLY THEY ARE BOTH GAY HOMOSEXUALS AND THEIR "RELATIONSHIP" IS A FRONT) hit me with her shoe. That's the way they are, she has all the muscle. Anyway, since that awful night, Diamond WILL NOT LEAVE ME ALONE and takes every opportunity, in his blog, and in his stupid videos, to attack and degrade Ralph Piss. For an example of how unreasonable and crazy he is, read THESE COMMENTS left on this very blog recently.
Well, one night not very long ago, I was sitting at home cleaning my gun -- it's an 82 -- when the phone rang. Thinking it was Sarah Palin, I answered. But it was Noah Diamond. I immediately PUKED, so to speak!
"Why are you bothering Ralph Piss?" I demanded.
"Listen, Ralph," he said, in his pathetic liberal voice, "I've been thinking lately that I've been very unfair to you and actually everything you say is right."
"I don't accept your apology," I said.
"I understand. I wouldn't accept my apology either if I were you, because I'm such a STUPID DUMMYCRAT LEFTY!"
"Right," I said.
"But wait, please, Ralph," he whimpered. "Please don't hang up, Ralph, please. There's more. I want to say this: My name is Noah Diamond, and I am NOT VERY SMART! I don't know anything about politics, and my comedy plays are NOT FUNNY! I would not mind being such a TALENTLESS SOCIALIST if it weren't for the example set by RALPH PISS!!! Now THERE is a true artist and a great patriot who does hilarious comedy and LOVES HIS COUNTRY'S FREEDOM! If only I could be more like RALPH PISS, then I wouldn't be such a stupid liberal!!! I have no taste!!! And that is why my website is so stupid."
"Do you mind if I quote you in full on my website?"
"Not at all, Ralph. I'd be honored."
SO I DID. Not only did I post it here on this blog here, I also decided to create a special new website to showcase Diamond's words, and also to point out a few of the differences between him and me! (It's GREAT! CHECK IT OUT!) Well, next thing you know, he's ALL MAD AT RALPH PISS! He's been leaving comments everywhere claiming that he never said what HE KNOWS HE SAID TO ME ON THE PHONE THAT TIME, and even demanding that I remove it! As if I care what he says! As if he can make me do anything!!! He even wrote a whole stupid post on his blog, LYING about the whole thing and once again saying nasty and not true things about Ralph Piss.
I think this guy is REALLY UNSTABLE. Well, you HAVE to be unstable to be a liberal. Which reminds me of a joke: What did the psychologist say to the liberal? "I can't do anything for you -- you're insane!"
Friday, March 12, 2010
Sarah Palin Poem #219
Sarah Palin, burning bright,
give us strength to win the fight.
Sarah Palin, shining strong,
Help us make our freedom long.
Sarah Palin, it is true,
no one's more better than you.
That was another poem in my series of Palin Poetry, which will soon be PUBLISHED as THE FIRST BOOK BY RALPH PISS, I think! Other than my poetry, I've also been working on a plan to stop the Obamacrats from their MASSIVE GOVERNMENT TAKEOVER of YOUR FREEDOM! And have any of you ever heard of the liberal Dummycrat who tries to take credit for the achievements of Ralph Piss? Well, I started A GREAT NEW WEBSITE all about him! Check it out! God bless!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Liberal: "If Only I Could Be More Like Ralph Piss"
An unknown liberal dummy just called me and said:
"My name is Noah Diamond, and I am NOT VERY SMART! I don't know anything about politics, and my comedy plays are NOT FUNNY! I would not mind being such a TALENTLESS SOCIALIST if it weren't for the example set by RALPH PISS!!! Now THERE is a true artist and a great patriot who does hilarious comedy and LOVES HIS COUNTRY'S FREEDOM! If only I could be more like RALPH PISS, then I wouldn't be such a stupid liberal!!! I have no taste!!! And that is why my website is so stupid."
"My name is Noah Diamond, and I am NOT VERY SMART! I don't know anything about politics, and my comedy plays are NOT FUNNY! I would not mind being such a TALENTLESS SOCIALIST if it weren't for the example set by RALPH PISS!!! Now THERE is a true artist and a great patriot who does hilarious comedy and LOVES HIS COUNTRY'S FREEDOM! If only I could be more like RALPH PISS, then I wouldn't be such a stupid liberal!!! I have no taste!!! And that is why my website is so stupid."
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
"New Faces of 1492" Sucks
Well, the Communist operatives at Nero Fiddled are at it again, with a vile animated cartoon trashing the man who discovered America. It's the usual PC liberal Dummycrat take on Christopher Columbus, all about how he was a bad guy because he was mean to the Indians. I'm sure they were bothering him in some way. Columbus was a GREAT HERO and a brilliant navigator, and that's the truth! God bless America!
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Ralph Piss: "Who is Ralph Piss?" is NOT Ralph Piss!
I've been away for a while, my fellow Americans -- trying to cope with the terrible fact that on November 4, 2008, America fell to the terrorists! I was in rough shape for a while there! I didn't make it any easier on myself with all my BINGE DRINKING! Anyway, I've finally managed to pull myself together. Why? Because my country needs me. Now that America has gone Communist for the first time since Bill Clinton was in office, we need a Ralph Piss more than ever. And I, it just so happens, am a Ralph Piss. So I've been working on many fascinating projects, including a new opera called September 12.
But alas, there is also bad news. Some of the more devoted Piss Heads will recall that a few years back, around the time of my comedy performance debut, I fell in with a couple of despicable showfolk who had expressed an interest in making a documentary about Ralph Piss. Their vulgar hatchet job, entitled Who is Ralph Piss?, has just been released. This loathsome piece of Dummycrat propaganda was shamelessly manipulated, through clever film editing tricks. They are trying to discredit the conservative movement by making Ralph Piss look ridiculous!
I, Ralph Piss, condemn the documentary film Who is Ralph Piss?, and I urge you not to watch it. For more, here is my video response to the documentary:
But alas, there is also bad news. Some of the more devoted Piss Heads will recall that a few years back, around the time of my comedy performance debut, I fell in with a couple of despicable showfolk who had expressed an interest in making a documentary about Ralph Piss. Their vulgar hatchet job, entitled Who is Ralph Piss?, has just been released. This loathsome piece of Dummycrat propaganda was shamelessly manipulated, through clever film editing tricks. They are trying to discredit the conservative movement by making Ralph Piss look ridiculous!
I, Ralph Piss, condemn the documentary film Who is Ralph Piss?, and I urge you not to watch it. For more, here is my video response to the documentary:
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Life After Bush: A Disgusting Night of Liberal Lies
THEATRE REVIEW by Ralph Piss
Life After Bush is the latest leftist garbage from the vile hate-merchants at Nero Fiddled. As hard as this is to imagine, it is even worse than their previous efforts. Burning Bush and Moral Value Meal were revolting, because they disrespected my President. But Life After Bush goes even further. It disrespects my Sarah!
About two-thirds of the way into this atrocious night of hero-smearing, my senses were dazzled by the sudden entrance of...SARAH PALIN, WHO I LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD! For a second, I was really happy! It was right in the middle of a terrible scene in which various members of the Nero Fiddled cell explained why they like to kill babies. I was about to have a barf problem, if you know what I mean, but then, there was my Sarah, as beautiful as ever! I figured she was there to shut down this terrible show, then take me in her arms and go someplace where we can be alone, if you know what I mean!
But no. Cruel, cruel life. It wasn't really her at all. Instead, it was the slimy Dummycrat diva Amanda Sisk, merely pretending to be my Sarah, probably in a pathetic attempt to get me into bed! Isn't it funny how these chicks all claim to be liberals, yet they all want to sleep with Ralph Piss?
After that, I really couldn't pay attention to the rest of the show, but I probably wasn't missng much. Based on the first two thirds, it wasn't going anywhere; it was a typical night of supporting the terrorists and saying what our enemies want to hear, and redistributing the wealth, without preconditions.
Tarik Davis, who played B. Hussein Obama, was not convincing at all; he didn't even wear a turban! And he spoke English the whole time! Avi Phillips as John McCain was a little bit better, because at least he was wearing an army helmet, which means he probably supports our troops. But what kind of a name is Avi? It sounds kind of Middle Eastern, doesn't it? Great -- another terrorist! I guess that's why they cast him as the ultra-liberal John McCain!
Brian Louis Hoffman returns as President Bush, and unfortunately his version of the character has not changed much since Burning Bush. Hoffman just doesn't have good insticts, I guess. He always plays President Bush as though he were not very smart. It's a bizarre choice, because as all God-fearing patriots know, President Bush is one of the intellectual giants of the modern world.
Sisk's performance as Hillary Clinton also misses the mark. It would have been much funnier if she stuffed something in her pants for the role. You know why? Because Hillary Clinton has BALLS! But unfortunately Nero Fiddled is just not capable of that kind of sophisticated political satire.
Those kinds of mistakes were all over the show. Sadrina Johnson played Michelle Obama, but she didn't even blow anything up. Kim Moscaritolo played the mainstream media, but without horns. (Both of these actresses seemed to be staring at me A LOT throughout the whole show, which might have thrown them off their game a little bit. It happens to me a lot, because all women want me! If you know what I mean!!!)
Another mistake: Moscaritolo, playing the reporter, stood up straight, as opposed to leaning to the left, the way the real media does. Obviously Kim Moscaritolo has never really watched the news. However, I have to admit that she was wonderful in the role of Cindy McCain! I just wish she had been a little less polite to the maid. It would have been great to see her kicking the help!
Also in the cast was Dummycrat Diamond, doing his usual tired schtick.
On the whole, Life After Bush is truly a disgusting night of theatre, reeking of liberal ideas, and determined to hide the truth about who B. Hussein Obama really is and what he would do to this country if he had a box-cutter. It was the worst thing I've seen since the last Nero Fiddled show, and probably the worst thing I will see until the next Nero Fiddled show.
But putting on a bad show isn't a crime. We can't all be gifted comic artists, like I am! (Watch my comedy clips to see how it's done!) But you know what is a crime? DISSING MY SARAH, who I LOVE, and who no matter how this election goes, I know will one day come and take me away and we will be HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! (If you know what I mean!)
Life After Bush sucked!
Life After Bush is the latest leftist garbage from the vile hate-merchants at Nero Fiddled. As hard as this is to imagine, it is even worse than their previous efforts. Burning Bush and Moral Value Meal were revolting, because they disrespected my President. But Life After Bush goes even further. It disrespects my Sarah!
About two-thirds of the way into this atrocious night of hero-smearing, my senses were dazzled by the sudden entrance of...SARAH PALIN, WHO I LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD! For a second, I was really happy! It was right in the middle of a terrible scene in which various members of the Nero Fiddled cell explained why they like to kill babies. I was about to have a barf problem, if you know what I mean, but then, there was my Sarah, as beautiful as ever! I figured she was there to shut down this terrible show, then take me in her arms and go someplace where we can be alone, if you know what I mean!
But no. Cruel, cruel life. It wasn't really her at all. Instead, it was the slimy Dummycrat diva Amanda Sisk, merely pretending to be my Sarah, probably in a pathetic attempt to get me into bed! Isn't it funny how these chicks all claim to be liberals, yet they all want to sleep with Ralph Piss?
After that, I really couldn't pay attention to the rest of the show, but I probably wasn't missng much. Based on the first two thirds, it wasn't going anywhere; it was a typical night of supporting the terrorists and saying what our enemies want to hear, and redistributing the wealth, without preconditions.
Tarik Davis, who played B. Hussein Obama, was not convincing at all; he didn't even wear a turban! And he spoke English the whole time! Avi Phillips as John McCain was a little bit better, because at least he was wearing an army helmet, which means he probably supports our troops. But what kind of a name is Avi? It sounds kind of Middle Eastern, doesn't it? Great -- another terrorist! I guess that's why they cast him as the ultra-liberal John McCain!
Brian Louis Hoffman returns as President Bush, and unfortunately his version of the character has not changed much since Burning Bush. Hoffman just doesn't have good insticts, I guess. He always plays President Bush as though he were not very smart. It's a bizarre choice, because as all God-fearing patriots know, President Bush is one of the intellectual giants of the modern world.
Sisk's performance as Hillary Clinton also misses the mark. It would have been much funnier if she stuffed something in her pants for the role. You know why? Because Hillary Clinton has BALLS! But unfortunately Nero Fiddled is just not capable of that kind of sophisticated political satire.
Those kinds of mistakes were all over the show. Sadrina Johnson played Michelle Obama, but she didn't even blow anything up. Kim Moscaritolo played the mainstream media, but without horns. (Both of these actresses seemed to be staring at me A LOT throughout the whole show, which might have thrown them off their game a little bit. It happens to me a lot, because all women want me! If you know what I mean!!!)
Another mistake: Moscaritolo, playing the reporter, stood up straight, as opposed to leaning to the left, the way the real media does. Obviously Kim Moscaritolo has never really watched the news. However, I have to admit that she was wonderful in the role of Cindy McCain! I just wish she had been a little less polite to the maid. It would have been great to see her kicking the help!
Also in the cast was Dummycrat Diamond, doing his usual tired schtick.
On the whole, Life After Bush is truly a disgusting night of theatre, reeking of liberal ideas, and determined to hide the truth about who B. Hussein Obama really is and what he would do to this country if he had a box-cutter. It was the worst thing I've seen since the last Nero Fiddled show, and probably the worst thing I will see until the next Nero Fiddled show.
But putting on a bad show isn't a crime. We can't all be gifted comic artists, like I am! (Watch my comedy clips to see how it's done!) But you know what is a crime? DISSING MY SARAH, who I LOVE, and who no matter how this election goes, I know will one day come and take me away and we will be HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! (If you know what I mean!)
Life After Bush sucked!
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