I've been away for a while, my fellow Americans -- trying to cope with the terrible fact that on November 4, 2008, America fell to the terrorists! I was in rough shape for a while there! I didn't make it any easier on myself with all my BINGE DRINKING! Anyway, I've finally managed to pull myself together. Why? Because my country needs me. Now that America has gone Communist for the first time since Bill Clinton was in office, we need a Ralph Piss more than ever. And I, it just so happens, am a Ralph Piss. So I've been working on many fascinating projects, including a new opera called September 12.
But alas, there is also bad news. Some of the more devoted Piss Heads will recall that a few years back, around the time of my comedy performance debut, I fell in with a couple of despicable showfolk who had expressed an interest in making a documentary about Ralph Piss. Their vulgar hatchet job, entitled Who is Ralph Piss?, has just been released. This loathsome piece of Dummycrat propaganda was shamelessly manipulated, through clever film editing tricks. They are trying to discredit the conservative movement by making Ralph Piss look ridiculous!
I, Ralph Piss, condemn the documentary film Who is Ralph Piss?, and I urge you not to watch it. For more, here is my video response to the documentary:
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Life After Bush: A Disgusting Night of Liberal Lies
THEATRE REVIEW by Ralph Piss
Life After Bush is the latest leftist garbage from the vile hate-merchants at Nero Fiddled. As hard as this is to imagine, it is even worse than their previous efforts. Burning Bush and Moral Value Meal were revolting, because they disrespected my President. But Life After Bush goes even further. It disrespects my Sarah!
About two-thirds of the way into this atrocious night of hero-smearing, my senses were dazzled by the sudden entrance of...SARAH PALIN, WHO I LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD! For a second, I was really happy! It was right in the middle of a terrible scene in which various members of the Nero Fiddled cell explained why they like to kill babies. I was about to have a barf problem, if you know what I mean, but then, there was my Sarah, as beautiful as ever! I figured she was there to shut down this terrible show, then take me in her arms and go someplace where we can be alone, if you know what I mean!
But no. Cruel, cruel life. It wasn't really her at all. Instead, it was the slimy Dummycrat diva Amanda Sisk, merely pretending to be my Sarah, probably in a pathetic attempt to get me into bed! Isn't it funny how these chicks all claim to be liberals, yet they all want to sleep with Ralph Piss?
After that, I really couldn't pay attention to the rest of the show, but I probably wasn't missng much. Based on the first two thirds, it wasn't going anywhere; it was a typical night of supporting the terrorists and saying what our enemies want to hear, and redistributing the wealth, without preconditions.
Tarik Davis, who played B. Hussein Obama, was not convincing at all; he didn't even wear a turban! And he spoke English the whole time! Avi Phillips as John McCain was a little bit better, because at least he was wearing an army helmet, which means he probably supports our troops. But what kind of a name is Avi? It sounds kind of Middle Eastern, doesn't it? Great -- another terrorist! I guess that's why they cast him as the ultra-liberal John McCain!
Brian Louis Hoffman returns as President Bush, and unfortunately his version of the character has not changed much since Burning Bush. Hoffman just doesn't have good insticts, I guess. He always plays President Bush as though he were not very smart. It's a bizarre choice, because as all God-fearing patriots know, President Bush is one of the intellectual giants of the modern world.
Sisk's performance as Hillary Clinton also misses the mark. It would have been much funnier if she stuffed something in her pants for the role. You know why? Because Hillary Clinton has BALLS! But unfortunately Nero Fiddled is just not capable of that kind of sophisticated political satire.
Those kinds of mistakes were all over the show. Sadrina Johnson played Michelle Obama, but she didn't even blow anything up. Kim Moscaritolo played the mainstream media, but without horns. (Both of these actresses seemed to be staring at me A LOT throughout the whole show, which might have thrown them off their game a little bit. It happens to me a lot, because all women want me! If you know what I mean!!!)
Another mistake: Moscaritolo, playing the reporter, stood up straight, as opposed to leaning to the left, the way the real media does. Obviously Kim Moscaritolo has never really watched the news. However, I have to admit that she was wonderful in the role of Cindy McCain! I just wish she had been a little less polite to the maid. It would have been great to see her kicking the help!
Also in the cast was Dummycrat Diamond, doing his usual tired schtick.
On the whole, Life After Bush is truly a disgusting night of theatre, reeking of liberal ideas, and determined to hide the truth about who B. Hussein Obama really is and what he would do to this country if he had a box-cutter. It was the worst thing I've seen since the last Nero Fiddled show, and probably the worst thing I will see until the next Nero Fiddled show.
But putting on a bad show isn't a crime. We can't all be gifted comic artists, like I am! (Watch my comedy clips to see how it's done!) But you know what is a crime? DISSING MY SARAH, who I LOVE, and who no matter how this election goes, I know will one day come and take me away and we will be HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! (If you know what I mean!)
Life After Bush sucked!
Life After Bush is the latest leftist garbage from the vile hate-merchants at Nero Fiddled. As hard as this is to imagine, it is even worse than their previous efforts. Burning Bush and Moral Value Meal were revolting, because they disrespected my President. But Life After Bush goes even further. It disrespects my Sarah!
About two-thirds of the way into this atrocious night of hero-smearing, my senses were dazzled by the sudden entrance of...SARAH PALIN, WHO I LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD! For a second, I was really happy! It was right in the middle of a terrible scene in which various members of the Nero Fiddled cell explained why they like to kill babies. I was about to have a barf problem, if you know what I mean, but then, there was my Sarah, as beautiful as ever! I figured she was there to shut down this terrible show, then take me in her arms and go someplace where we can be alone, if you know what I mean!
But no. Cruel, cruel life. It wasn't really her at all. Instead, it was the slimy Dummycrat diva Amanda Sisk, merely pretending to be my Sarah, probably in a pathetic attempt to get me into bed! Isn't it funny how these chicks all claim to be liberals, yet they all want to sleep with Ralph Piss?
After that, I really couldn't pay attention to the rest of the show, but I probably wasn't missng much. Based on the first two thirds, it wasn't going anywhere; it was a typical night of supporting the terrorists and saying what our enemies want to hear, and redistributing the wealth, without preconditions.
Tarik Davis, who played B. Hussein Obama, was not convincing at all; he didn't even wear a turban! And he spoke English the whole time! Avi Phillips as John McCain was a little bit better, because at least he was wearing an army helmet, which means he probably supports our troops. But what kind of a name is Avi? It sounds kind of Middle Eastern, doesn't it? Great -- another terrorist! I guess that's why they cast him as the ultra-liberal John McCain!
Brian Louis Hoffman returns as President Bush, and unfortunately his version of the character has not changed much since Burning Bush. Hoffman just doesn't have good insticts, I guess. He always plays President Bush as though he were not very smart. It's a bizarre choice, because as all God-fearing patriots know, President Bush is one of the intellectual giants of the modern world.
Sisk's performance as Hillary Clinton also misses the mark. It would have been much funnier if she stuffed something in her pants for the role. You know why? Because Hillary Clinton has BALLS! But unfortunately Nero Fiddled is just not capable of that kind of sophisticated political satire.
Those kinds of mistakes were all over the show. Sadrina Johnson played Michelle Obama, but she didn't even blow anything up. Kim Moscaritolo played the mainstream media, but without horns. (Both of these actresses seemed to be staring at me A LOT throughout the whole show, which might have thrown them off their game a little bit. It happens to me a lot, because all women want me! If you know what I mean!!!)
Another mistake: Moscaritolo, playing the reporter, stood up straight, as opposed to leaning to the left, the way the real media does. Obviously Kim Moscaritolo has never really watched the news. However, I have to admit that she was wonderful in the role of Cindy McCain! I just wish she had been a little less polite to the maid. It would have been great to see her kicking the help!
Also in the cast was Dummycrat Diamond, doing his usual tired schtick.
On the whole, Life After Bush is truly a disgusting night of theatre, reeking of liberal ideas, and determined to hide the truth about who B. Hussein Obama really is and what he would do to this country if he had a box-cutter. It was the worst thing I've seen since the last Nero Fiddled show, and probably the worst thing I will see until the next Nero Fiddled show.
But putting on a bad show isn't a crime. We can't all be gifted comic artists, like I am! (Watch my comedy clips to see how it's done!) But you know what is a crime? DISSING MY SARAH, who I LOVE, and who no matter how this election goes, I know will one day come and take me away and we will be HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! (If you know what I mean!)
Life After Bush sucked!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
9/11, Seven Years Later
Today is another anniversary of the tragic events of September 11, 2001, which brought terror to our shores and emboldened our greatest president, George W. Bush, to take the fight to our enemies.
On this historic day, when we commemorate the lives of those who perished and the heroism of those who helped, I am consumed by one constant thought:
I LOVE SARAH PALIN!
On this historic day, when we commemorate the lives of those who perished and the heroism of those who helped, I am consumed by one constant thought:
I LOVE SARAH PALIN!
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Sarah Palin for President!
I'm not so crazy about the ultra-liberal John McCain, a raving left-wing extremist who the Republican Party has inexplicably chosen as its nominee. I was ready to vote for Bob Barr, the libertarian candidate, or to write in Mitt Romney or Fred Thompson or maybe Jeb. But now I am voting for John McCain. I never thought I'd say it, but McCain has actually won me over.
How did he do it, you might ask? I can tell you in eight words: I LOVE SARAH PALIN! I LOVE SARAH PALIN!
Not since George W. Bush Himself has there been a political candidate who I've felt this way about -- it's more than just ideological agreement. It's physical.
So I can now happily say JOHN McCAIN FOR PRESIDENT! Honestly, how long is this guy going to last? And then it will be Sarah's turn! I love you, Sarah!
SARAH PALIN FOR PRESIDENT!
How did he do it, you might ask? I can tell you in eight words: I LOVE SARAH PALIN! I LOVE SARAH PALIN!
Not since George W. Bush Himself has there been a political candidate who I've felt this way about -- it's more than just ideological agreement. It's physical.
So I can now happily say JOHN McCAIN FOR PRESIDENT! Honestly, how long is this guy going to last? And then it will be Sarah's turn! I love you, Sarah!
SARAH PALIN FOR PRESIDENT!
Friday, February 01, 2008
Mitt Romney is the Piss Choice
Well, my fellow Americans, the Dummycrats are going to nominate either Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama. That's what it's come down to: Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Two black women with well-known ties to the gay community. Against that liberal/gay juggernaut, who will the Republicans nominate to fly the flag of America?
John McCain? Are you kidding me? In a recent report by the America Institute, McCain was found to be the most liberal senator, even more liberal than self-described socialist Bernie Sanders. (It should probably be Burnie Sanders, because he's going to burn in hell!)
That's why I am doing what I usually refrain from doing, and endorsing a candidate in a primary election. Because I am well aware of the profound influence I exert on my devoted following, I usually stay silent through the primaries, and back the Republican candidate in the general election. But this is an emergency.
That's why I, Ralph Piss, am endorsing Mitt Romney for President of the United States.
Yes, I share your reservations about Romney's left-of-center record as governor of Massachusetts. But Massachusetts is arguably the gayest state ever. Romney may have been too liberal in the past, but he has now been consistently conservative for several months, while McCain continues to favor amnesty for terrorists, and eats fetuses for dinner.
It's getting desperate, my fellow patriots. Super Tuesday is this coming Tuesday. If the Republican Party is to survive, if the conservative movement is to have a future, if you don't want gay Muslims to end Christmas as we know it, please, please, please vote for Mitt Romney.
PLEASE?
John McCain? Are you kidding me? In a recent report by the America Institute, McCain was found to be the most liberal senator, even more liberal than self-described socialist Bernie Sanders. (It should probably be Burnie Sanders, because he's going to burn in hell!)
That's why I am doing what I usually refrain from doing, and endorsing a candidate in a primary election. Because I am well aware of the profound influence I exert on my devoted following, I usually stay silent through the primaries, and back the Republican candidate in the general election. But this is an emergency.
That's why I, Ralph Piss, am endorsing Mitt Romney for President of the United States.
Yes, I share your reservations about Romney's left-of-center record as governor of Massachusetts. But Massachusetts is arguably the gayest state ever. Romney may have been too liberal in the past, but he has now been consistently conservative for several months, while McCain continues to favor amnesty for terrorists, and eats fetuses for dinner.
It's getting desperate, my fellow patriots. Super Tuesday is this coming Tuesday. If the Republican Party is to survive, if the conservative movement is to have a future, if you don't want gay Muslims to end Christmas as we know it, please, please, please vote for Mitt Romney.
PLEASE?
Thursday, August 02, 2007
SO-CALLED "VERY NICE EVENING" IS NOT GOING TO BE VERY NICE!
Just in case any of you were thinking about going to A VERY NICE EVENING, my fellow Americans, let me strongly advise against it! All the hype and publicity surrounding this event suggest that it's going to be a very nice evening, but trust me, it's NOT going to be a very nice evening. You know why? I'll tell you why. Because this so-called "very nice evening" is nothing more than another ANTI-AMERICAN HATE-FEST from DUMMYCRAT DIAMOND and his disgusting liberal friends! So DO NOT GO TO THE VERY NICE EVENING! It will NOT be VERY NICE, and if you go then you are probably a terrorist!
NOT VERY NICE!
NOT VERY NICE!
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
More Leftist Drivel from Dummycrat Diamond
Well, my fellow Americans, the liberal crowd -- also known as the enemies of freedom -- is at it again. Revelling in our President's allegedly low approval ratings (obviously fabricated by the Dummycrat media), they're still taking every opportunity to see that the evil forces of Islamic terrorism and secular humanism triumph in their mission to destroy American values.
And the worst of them is Dummycrat Diamond, who believe it or not is STILL publishing dangerous left-wing lies on his badly-written blog. His most recent entry is full of nasty attacks on people of faith, because if there's one thing a liberal hates, it's God. But that's okay, because God hates them too.
Diamond refers to decent, God-fearing Americans as "crazed, hysterical zealots" and"religious lunatics." He even has the nerve to portray the great patriots at Operation Save America as "a well-known group of criminally insane ideologues who take mythology literally and subscribe to an alternate, fictitious version of American history."
He's really stupid. God will punish him, and so will President Brownback.
And the worst of them is Dummycrat Diamond, who believe it or not is STILL publishing dangerous left-wing lies on his badly-written blog. His most recent entry is full of nasty attacks on people of faith, because if there's one thing a liberal hates, it's God. But that's okay, because God hates them too.
Diamond refers to decent, God-fearing Americans as "crazed, hysterical zealots" and"religious lunatics." He even has the nerve to portray the great patriots at Operation Save America as "a well-known group of criminally insane ideologues who take mythology literally and subscribe to an alternate, fictitious version of American history."
He's really stupid. God will punish him, and so will President Brownback.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Right-Wing Comedy Takes YouTube by Storm
One of my YouTube videos, Ralph Piss: Conservative Comedian, has been getting a lot of positive attention lately, which is very exciting! It now seems there is nothing standing between Ralph Piss and a career in show business. I want to be the Republican Charlie Chaplin. Here's a sampling of some of the inspiring and encouraging comments my fans have left on YouTube:
ONE RED STATE IN 2008!
"That was hilarious...i hope you do make it to 1/2 hr news hr!"
"Conservitives do need a comedian!"
"i think you're funny as hell and 100% right on the issues...it's obvious you have talent!...keep it up and post more asap."
"WOW!"
"hell of an effort!"
"hilarious!"
Watch the video and join the conversation! There are now six clips on the Ralph Piss YouTube Channel.ONE RED STATE IN 2008!
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Wise Words from Our Second-Greatest Republican President
"Congressmen who willfully take action during wartime that damage the morale and undermine the military are saboteurs, and should be arrested, exiled, or hanged." -- Abraham Lincoln
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Surnow's "Half Hour News Hour" Premieres Sunday!
It was a gloomy morning, my fellow Americans, but it was enlivened by the HILARIOUS clip I found on YouTube of the BRILLIANT news satire show which the GENIUS producer Joel "24" Surnow is about to launch on the Fox News Channel! It's called The Half Hour News Hour -- I love it, even the title is funny! -- and it premieres Sunday night! Ralph Piss, for one, will be watching.
I've been excited about this show for a long time, ever since I read about it in Forbes, the handbook of the ruling class. Here's a clip of me talking about it, and about how it inspired me to be a comedian, from my sold-out 2006 extravaganza, Ralph Piss Live:
There's another GREAT Half Hour News Hour clip on this page. Get this -- Rush Limbaugh plays the President of the United States, and Ann Coulter is Vice President! But if you go to watch that clip, ignore the stupid comments of the liberal Dummycrat who posted it. Don't worry, after the Rapture we won't have to tolerate his kind any longer.
I can tell The Half Hour News Hour is going to cheer me up, with a lot of laughs and a lot of patriotism, during this terrible dark age of the Dummycrat congressional majority. I know in my heart that America is going to be ONE RED STATE IN 2008, and I have discussed this with Jesus Christ, but what neither of us could figure out is which Republican candidate to get behind. I love Rudy Giuliani as a Hero of 9/11, but let's face it, he's gay, and a liberal. Mitt Romney is also gay. Sam Brownback understands the meaning of "American values," but the name Brownback sounds a little too gay.
My fellow Americans, I never thought I'd say this, back in 2000 or so. But something has changed since then.
John McCain has turned into George W. Bush.
Ralph Piss endorses John McCain for President of the United States.
I've been excited about this show for a long time, ever since I read about it in Forbes, the handbook of the ruling class. Here's a clip of me talking about it, and about how it inspired me to be a comedian, from my sold-out 2006 extravaganza, Ralph Piss Live:
There's another GREAT Half Hour News Hour clip on this page. Get this -- Rush Limbaugh plays the President of the United States, and Ann Coulter is Vice President! But if you go to watch that clip, ignore the stupid comments of the liberal Dummycrat who posted it. Don't worry, after the Rapture we won't have to tolerate his kind any longer.
I can tell The Half Hour News Hour is going to cheer me up, with a lot of laughs and a lot of patriotism, during this terrible dark age of the Dummycrat congressional majority. I know in my heart that America is going to be ONE RED STATE IN 2008, and I have discussed this with Jesus Christ, but what neither of us could figure out is which Republican candidate to get behind. I love Rudy Giuliani as a Hero of 9/11, but let's face it, he's gay, and a liberal. Mitt Romney is also gay. Sam Brownback understands the meaning of "American values," but the name Brownback sounds a little too gay.
My fellow Americans, I never thought I'd say this, back in 2000 or so. But something has changed since then.
John McCain has turned into George W. Bush.
Ralph Piss endorses John McCain for President of the United States.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)