Well, my fellow Americans, the Dummycrats are going to nominate either Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama. That's what it's come down to: Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Two black women with well-known ties to the gay community. Against that liberal/gay juggernaut, who will the Republicans nominate to fly the flag of America?
John McCain? Are you kidding me? In a recent report by the America Institute, McCain was found to be the most liberal senator, even more liberal than self-described socialist Bernie Sanders. (It should probably be Burnie Sanders, because he's going to burn in hell!)
That's why I am doing what I usually refrain from doing, and endorsing a candidate in a primary election. Because I am well aware of the profound influence I exert on my devoted following, I usually stay silent through the primaries, and back the Republican candidate in the general election. But this is an emergency.
That's why I, Ralph Piss, am endorsing Mitt Romney for President of the United States.
Yes, I share your reservations about Romney's left-of-center record as governor of Massachusetts. But Massachusetts is arguably the gayest state ever. Romney may have been too liberal in the past, but he has now been consistently conservative for several months, while McCain continues to favor amnesty for terrorists, and eats fetuses for dinner.
It's getting desperate, my fellow patriots. Super Tuesday is this coming Tuesday. If the Republican Party is to survive, if the conservative movement is to have a future, if you don't want gay Muslims to end Christmas as we know it, please, please, please vote for Mitt Romney.
PLEASE?
Friday, February 01, 2008
Thursday, August 02, 2007
SO-CALLED "VERY NICE EVENING" IS NOT GOING TO BE VERY NICE!
Just in case any of you were thinking about going to A VERY NICE EVENING, my fellow Americans, let me strongly advise against it! All the hype and publicity surrounding this event suggest that it's going to be a very nice evening, but trust me, it's NOT going to be a very nice evening. You know why? I'll tell you why. Because this so-called "very nice evening" is nothing more than another ANTI-AMERICAN HATE-FEST from DUMMYCRAT DIAMOND and his disgusting liberal friends! So DO NOT GO TO THE VERY NICE EVENING! It will NOT be VERY NICE, and if you go then you are probably a terrorist!
NOT VERY NICE!
NOT VERY NICE!
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
More Leftist Drivel from Dummycrat Diamond
Well, my fellow Americans, the liberal crowd -- also known as the enemies of freedom -- is at it again. Revelling in our President's allegedly low approval ratings (obviously fabricated by the Dummycrat media), they're still taking every opportunity to see that the evil forces of Islamic terrorism and secular humanism triumph in their mission to destroy American values.
And the worst of them is Dummycrat Diamond, who believe it or not is STILL publishing dangerous left-wing lies on his badly-written blog. His most recent entry is full of nasty attacks on people of faith, because if there's one thing a liberal hates, it's God. But that's okay, because God hates them too.
Diamond refers to decent, God-fearing Americans as "crazed, hysterical zealots" and"religious lunatics." He even has the nerve to portray the great patriots at Operation Save America as "a well-known group of criminally insane ideologues who take mythology literally and subscribe to an alternate, fictitious version of American history."
He's really stupid. God will punish him, and so will President Brownback.
And the worst of them is Dummycrat Diamond, who believe it or not is STILL publishing dangerous left-wing lies on his badly-written blog. His most recent entry is full of nasty attacks on people of faith, because if there's one thing a liberal hates, it's God. But that's okay, because God hates them too.
Diamond refers to decent, God-fearing Americans as "crazed, hysterical zealots" and"religious lunatics." He even has the nerve to portray the great patriots at Operation Save America as "a well-known group of criminally insane ideologues who take mythology literally and subscribe to an alternate, fictitious version of American history."
He's really stupid. God will punish him, and so will President Brownback.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Right-Wing Comedy Takes YouTube by Storm
One of my YouTube videos, Ralph Piss: Conservative Comedian, has been getting a lot of positive attention lately, which is very exciting! It now seems there is nothing standing between Ralph Piss and a career in show business. I want to be the Republican Charlie Chaplin. Here's a sampling of some of the inspiring and encouraging comments my fans have left on YouTube:
ONE RED STATE IN 2008!
"That was hilarious...i hope you do make it to 1/2 hr news hr!"
"Conservitives do need a comedian!"
"i think you're funny as hell and 100% right on the issues...it's obvious you have talent!...keep it up and post more asap."
"WOW!"
"hell of an effort!"
"hilarious!"
Watch the video and join the conversation! There are now six clips on the Ralph Piss YouTube Channel.ONE RED STATE IN 2008!
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Wise Words from Our Second-Greatest Republican President
"Congressmen who willfully take action during wartime that damage the morale and undermine the military are saboteurs, and should be arrested, exiled, or hanged." -- Abraham Lincoln
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Surnow's "Half Hour News Hour" Premieres Sunday!
It was a gloomy morning, my fellow Americans, but it was enlivened by the HILARIOUS clip I found on YouTube of the BRILLIANT news satire show which the GENIUS producer Joel "24" Surnow is about to launch on the Fox News Channel! It's called The Half Hour News Hour -- I love it, even the title is funny! -- and it premieres Sunday night! Ralph Piss, for one, will be watching.
I've been excited about this show for a long time, ever since I read about it in Forbes, the handbook of the ruling class. Here's a clip of me talking about it, and about how it inspired me to be a comedian, from my sold-out 2006 extravaganza, Ralph Piss Live:
There's another GREAT Half Hour News Hour clip on this page. Get this -- Rush Limbaugh plays the President of the United States, and Ann Coulter is Vice President! But if you go to watch that clip, ignore the stupid comments of the liberal Dummycrat who posted it. Don't worry, after the Rapture we won't have to tolerate his kind any longer.
I can tell The Half Hour News Hour is going to cheer me up, with a lot of laughs and a lot of patriotism, during this terrible dark age of the Dummycrat congressional majority. I know in my heart that America is going to be ONE RED STATE IN 2008, and I have discussed this with Jesus Christ, but what neither of us could figure out is which Republican candidate to get behind. I love Rudy Giuliani as a Hero of 9/11, but let's face it, he's gay, and a liberal. Mitt Romney is also gay. Sam Brownback understands the meaning of "American values," but the name Brownback sounds a little too gay.
My fellow Americans, I never thought I'd say this, back in 2000 or so. But something has changed since then.
John McCain has turned into George W. Bush.
Ralph Piss endorses John McCain for President of the United States.
I've been excited about this show for a long time, ever since I read about it in Forbes, the handbook of the ruling class. Here's a clip of me talking about it, and about how it inspired me to be a comedian, from my sold-out 2006 extravaganza, Ralph Piss Live:
There's another GREAT Half Hour News Hour clip on this page. Get this -- Rush Limbaugh plays the President of the United States, and Ann Coulter is Vice President! But if you go to watch that clip, ignore the stupid comments of the liberal Dummycrat who posted it. Don't worry, after the Rapture we won't have to tolerate his kind any longer.
I can tell The Half Hour News Hour is going to cheer me up, with a lot of laughs and a lot of patriotism, during this terrible dark age of the Dummycrat congressional majority. I know in my heart that America is going to be ONE RED STATE IN 2008, and I have discussed this with Jesus Christ, but what neither of us could figure out is which Republican candidate to get behind. I love Rudy Giuliani as a Hero of 9/11, but let's face it, he's gay, and a liberal. Mitt Romney is also gay. Sam Brownback understands the meaning of "American values," but the name Brownback sounds a little too gay.
My fellow Americans, I never thought I'd say this, back in 2000 or so. But something has changed since then.
John McCain has turned into George W. Bush.
Ralph Piss endorses John McCain for President of the United States.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
A Good, Conservative Puppet Show
Merry Christmas, my fellow Americans -- and I do mean Merry Christmas, not Happy Hanukkah, because this is not Israel, and not Happy Kwanzaa, because this is not Africa. Merry Christmas, because this is a Christian nation, which is why we have the most powerful Army in the world! As a Christmas treat for my loyal readers, here's another excerpt from my recent sensational live appearance. In this clip, I'm performing one of two puppet shows included in my debut performance:
To see more clips from my show, click here.
To see more clips from my show, click here.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
THE LADIES LOVE PISS!
GIRLS GAGA FOR RIGHT-WING COMEDIAN
ECHOES OF BEATLEMANIA
This picture was taken last night at the WILD after-party following the SENSATIONAL live performance debut of Ralph Piss! What a night...I'm still glowing from the S.R.O. crowd and the three standing O's! You see, my fellow Americans, I'm already picking up the showbiz lingo. And speaking of lingo, did you see Tony Snow's briefing today? Now that was LINGO! Okay! If you missed my performance last night, or if you saw it and you want to relive the glorious experience, here are some brief excerpts, which you will LOVE. There will be much, much more included in the upcoming documentary film Who is Ralph Piss?
ECHOES OF BEATLEMANIA
This picture was taken last night at the WILD after-party following the SENSATIONAL live performance debut of Ralph Piss! What a night...I'm still glowing from the S.R.O. crowd and the three standing O's! You see, my fellow Americans, I'm already picking up the showbiz lingo. And speaking of lingo, did you see Tony Snow's briefing today? Now that was LINGO! Okay! If you missed my performance last night, or if you saw it and you want to relive the glorious experience, here are some brief excerpts, which you will LOVE. There will be much, much more included in the upcoming documentary film Who is Ralph Piss?
RALPH PISS SHOW A HUGE SUCCESS!
MOST BRILLIANT DEBUT SINCE ADAM
A PACKED HOUSE APPLAUDS RALPH PISS; EVERYONE LOVED IT
(SCROLL DOWN FOR VIDEO.)
My fellow Americans, last night was my live performance comedy debut, and it was AMAZING! (Unless you ask Dummycrat Diamond, but notice that nobody did!) There was a packed house -- we actually had to turn people away, and I am in negotiations for an extended run at a larger venue! The enthusiastic crowd was wild for Piss! They lapped Piss right up, and I believe my comedy act was so strong that many who walked into the theatre as liberal Dummycrats left as conservative Pissketeers.
It was, by any standards, a glorious victory for both comedy and right-wing politics. Hearing that hysterical laughter, feeling that thundering applause -- two standing ovations, if I remember correctly! -- has changed Ralph Piss. I realize now that I was born to do more than simply spread the gospel of conservatism. I was also born to be on stage, to entertain. And I hereby resolve to keep on doing it, no matter what.
You'll be able to see video of last night's show soon, with additional footage, in the upcoming documentary Who is Ralph Piss? In the meantime, I'm sure you will enjoy these excerpts:
More soon, my fellow Americans. ONE RED STATE IN 2008! This is Ralph Piss, the successful right-wing humorist, saying IN GOD WE TRUST! Now go to work!
A PACKED HOUSE APPLAUDS RALPH PISS; EVERYONE LOVED IT
(SCROLL DOWN FOR VIDEO.)
My fellow Americans, last night was my live performance comedy debut, and it was AMAZING! (Unless you ask Dummycrat Diamond, but notice that nobody did!) There was a packed house -- we actually had to turn people away, and I am in negotiations for an extended run at a larger venue! The enthusiastic crowd was wild for Piss! They lapped Piss right up, and I believe my comedy act was so strong that many who walked into the theatre as liberal Dummycrats left as conservative Pissketeers.
It was, by any standards, a glorious victory for both comedy and right-wing politics. Hearing that hysterical laughter, feeling that thundering applause -- two standing ovations, if I remember correctly! -- has changed Ralph Piss. I realize now that I was born to do more than simply spread the gospel of conservatism. I was also born to be on stage, to entertain. And I hereby resolve to keep on doing it, no matter what.
You'll be able to see video of last night's show soon, with additional footage, in the upcoming documentary Who is Ralph Piss? In the meantime, I'm sure you will enjoy these excerpts:
More soon, my fellow Americans. ONE RED STATE IN 2008! This is Ralph Piss, the successful right-wing humorist, saying IN GOD WE TRUST! Now go to work!
Monday, December 11, 2006
The I.S.G. Hates America
The liberal Dummycrats are up in arms because it looks like President Bush -- THANK GOD -- is NOT going to follow the recommendations of the I.S.G. (That should stand for Ignorant Stupid Girlie-men, but it's Iraq Study Group.) For those of you who have not read the group's report -- and believe me, it's not worth your time -- here is a summary of their recommendations:
1. Kill the terrorists.
2. Liberate the people of Iraq.
3. Make America safer.
4. Freedom.
5. God.
And he didn't even need a blue-ribbon panel to come up with it. So who do you think should be making decisions for this country -- President Bush, or the terrorists? The I.S.G. is nothing but a bunch of SURRENDER MONKEYS! They are also RETREAT APES, TREASON BABOONS, and CUT AND RUN GORILLAS!
1. Surrender and pull the troops out of Iraq, thereby giving the terrorists a chance to attack us again.
2. Make friends with known terrorists in Iran and Syria. (The liberal Dummycrats have a special word for making friends with terrorists. They call it "diplomacy.")
3. Turn our backs on everything our forefathers fought and died for.
4. Free abortions for everybody.
Now, why should anyone follow advice like that? Ralph Piss, for one, supports President Bush's plan, which goes like this:1. Kill the terrorists.
2. Liberate the people of Iraq.
3. Make America safer.
4. Freedom.
5. God.
And he didn't even need a blue-ribbon panel to come up with it. So who do you think should be making decisions for this country -- President Bush, or the terrorists? The I.S.G. is nothing but a bunch of SURRENDER MONKEYS! They are also RETREAT APES, TREASON BABOONS, and CUT AND RUN GORILLAS!
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